Living On The Edge
Having just picked up my car after being in the body shop for 48 days, I'm just angry. I'm not angry at anyone, or anything particular, but it's just been building for quite some time. It seems that one step forward two steps backs scenario has been my life for the past few years. I get a donation for $100 one day and get a bill for $120 the next. I get a golf trip sponsored for a week in Florida, but am so tired from residual things before the trip that I'm exhausted after the first tournament. I pick up a shift at the bar to make some extra cash, try to help the barback and drop a keg on my ankle. Luckily, it was a glancing blow. The day after I come back from Florida, some dude nearly totals my car while I'm in a restaurant. Now that it's fixed, the trade in value is that of a bicycle. I could go on, but you get the point.
I live my life on the edge because I'm a professional golfer that is playing a sport that requires money that I don't have. Hence, the need for sponsors and donations. I always thought the people that lived on the edge were often criminals. You know, felons carrying guns or drugs. Thrill seekers jumping off of mountains or jumping canyons on motorcycles. Gamblers who can be rich in the afternoon and broke with knee breakers chasing them in the evening. We all have one thing in common. There is little or no margin for error. For the criminal, there is either jail or a violent death. For the thrill seekers, it's either broken bones or death. For the gambler, it's the option of losing everything. For me, it's pay this bill or buy this club, get a lesson, play a tournament or even eat something other than spaghetti for 6 straight days. I'm as broke as I have ever been in my life. I'm sitting here right now thinking of things that I can sell to help. I'm looking for another bartending job to help catch up. Why am I here, living on the edge? I'm here because I believe in myself and I will get it done. That's why we all do it. The risk of losing everything because you believe you can do it. Yea, a lot of things need to go right but it's worth the risk.
I'm still angry, but it will subside. Tomorrow I hope to wake up and start a new day. I will be out chasing that elusive sponsor and looking for a job. I guess what I've been trying to say is you can live on the edge for alll the right reasons, but all the wrong things might happen to you. So, do you crawl in a hole and whimper poor me and quit? Do you suck it up, take the body blow and get angry? I'll be on the edge, angry, but with a smile on my face. The anger will eventually dissipate, but that smile will be there for a long time. Come join me on the edge.